I'm sitting in my lovely little apartment - I've taken photos by the way, and will hopefully post this week - listening to jazz on Radio-Canada in pure contentment. Gonna do a bit of work tonight and catch up on a few tasks. I'm doing a few new things that I've never done before, and my boss has thrown the gauntlet and is allowing me to give it a shot, so I don't want to be lazy and fuck things up!

This is, I warn you, going to be a stream-of-consciousness post. Have you noticed that my posts here have been complete utter shit for the past, oh, year? This is no longer a place to solely describe my life in the most accurate and beautiful way possible, it is now a place to decompress and have fun and update. In truth, I am usually annoyed with myself and the tone here; this blog seems like a reflection of my wilted writing ambitions and seems to come across as flippant, dry, and even coy or cryptic. It seems to sweep under carpet all the genuine beauty of the wide range of emotions and complex thoughts that run through my heart and soul, something I resent. Although I dream of finding that happy, perfect medium between softness and smarts, humour and darkness, at the end of the day I would rather identify with the sweetness of hope than the indifference of reservation. I am unsure as to the exact purpose of this thing anymore, actually. I purposely avoid any reference to real people in my every day life, love issues and any real conflicts - gone is the fearlessless of my blog beginnings. So, until I figure that out you can expect the usual non-sensical bla-bla's. I hope this is enough for now, dear friends. Or are you just waiting for the truth? One day, one day...

Winter is coming, I felt it this morning. Some people have been saying that for a while, but I can always pinpoint the exact day that winter settles and starts to grow roots. I need to get my winter jackets dry-cleaned and ready for battle! I can't wait.

St. John's, as you might have guessed, was amazing. I was a good distance away and I really felt it in my bones, to the point of feeling physically off-kilter at first. I reacted by being in a jolly mood, cracking jokes with the locals, walking along the harbour alone, shopping in boutiques on the oldest street in North America, drinking beer in old pubs and coffee in cool shops, and dancing in cheesy gay bars until the wee hours of the night. Admittedly, I was infused with a shocking sense of energy and joy - one night I came back home to my hotel room at 4:30 a.m. in the morning and, not satisfied with the night's end, found some dance music on the internet and resumed dancing for another half hour, replacing the night's companions by my lone exagerated shadow on the wall. Thank god the floors were carpeted and the speakers on my laptop aren't powerful! I'm a bit ridiculous aren't I, dancing away alone in a hotel room like a foolish little girl. But still, I admit, it was refreshing and extremely enjoyable. Work-wise, the workshop was a complete success and I met some really great colleagues from the NFB and the government department I deal with for the project. I also spent some time meeting with a communications & advertising firm downtown, which was interesting and useful. I only wish I would've had more time and resources to visit outside of the downtown core and check out the landscapes around the city. Someday I'll be back...

I don't normally find myself attracted to the colour red. The people who know me well may have noticed that I don't own anything clothing and accessories in that colour, although it has seeped into my surroundings in the form of furniture - I have wood chairs painted red and my red persian-style rug, for instance. A red tea kettle, too. And now, it is spilling onto other areas. There is this beautiful red satin strapless dress at Banana Republic that I fell in love with recently; I know you know that I love aesthetics and clothing, but I actually haven't bought anything in a long while and haven't felt inclined to lately. But this rdress is gorgeous to me, it pops into my brain like the crimson-coloured stain it is. Ah! Silly things that wedge themselves into the cracks of otherwise serious thoughts. But, the dress is too steep a price for something I don't even have an event for, so it will tragically hang in random Banana stores all over the place. What other women, oblivious to its colour breakthrough in my life, will pick it up and careless wear it as some nameless function? Ah!

Julian is getting bigger and bigger, growing so fast that it seems that as this rate he will be a giant by the age of 5. His baptism was at the cathedral on Sunday, as you may have seen in the photographs. Oddly, I felt a mix of comfort with the traditionalism and church setting, which reminded me of the many hours spent in a church in my youth, and a mix of cynacism in which we struggled not to burst into fits of laughter as we recited wooden, generic prayers. The reception was pleasant, a nice little gathering with good food, happy conversations and nice clothing for the occasion. I wore a simple black jersey dress with my new black wedge shoes, the one that feels as comfy as a pyjama while somehow garnering kind compliments. Bingo, we have a winner! It's not red, but I've dealt with that one already.

I'm going to end this on an abrupt note now, because I have some work to do, but mainly because I've just received the food I ordered. I am not going to divulge its contents, probably because I'm crytic and also because I'm slightly embarassed, and because I just want to dive right in and eat.

Before I go, I'll get serious for a moment. Listen, stop for a minute, will you? Do you hear yourself? I mean, inside your brain. Remember that no matter where you are, and no matter where I am, and no matter what, I love you. Do you know that? I love you, I still love you so much it hurts. Let's meet on a metaphysical platform somewhere, like in an imaginary train station that exists just for us, all hazy and soft-like, and hug and kiss in some realm of pure truth, a place where longing and redemption collide in the most gratifying way. Meet me, say, tomorrow night ok? I'll be in bed by 11:30, see you soon...

Camille xo