We finally had rain and gray weather near the end of the week. I dared to wear my little new shoes to class on Thursday, only to look out the window halfway to see the downpour taking place. Serves me right for pushing the seasonal envelope, I guess.

On Friday Manon, Dana-Eve and I had supper at the Black Tomato, where I treated myself to my favorite dish; salmon marinated in maple syrup and a hint of garlic, with a potato & herb patty and buttered fresh vegetables. It was nice to have some wine and just forget about stuff for a little while. Afterwards I was somehow convinced to spend a few hours with friends of Véro's at the Heart and Crown - sans Véro. We pretty muched missed each other, but that didn't seem to bother her friends, who had a "the more the merrier" attitude. I can't remember the last time I was in a big group setting of people I don't really know in a pub, but they were friendly (and/or drunk), and they got alarmed when I would get up to go to the washroom: "Hey - you're not leaving us yet, right?" I finally stumbled back to Manon's apartment - stumbled out of extreme fatigue, not the few drinks I had - and within ten minutes of my departure I was sleeping.

On Saturday I spent the day cleaning and tinkering around on the xylophones (I taught myself a few songs to accompany Beck) until Sarah picked me up for supper. We went to Chez le Thai in Hull - and I've just realised that I had two succulent meals two days in a row, which I'm very happy about. Good food makes me happy. It was also really wonderful to catch up with one of my closest friends - Sarah is such a unique, amazing woman. After being dropped off, I met Manon, Martine, Julie and Alain at Chez Lucien's for a quick drink before heading out to Cafe Dekuf on Rideau for Alain's show. I hadn't seen his band Treebeard play in years, so it was great to head out and hear some new material. It was funny to watch Al fret about the show beforehand, especially since the nervous disposition is somewhat misplaced. I honestly thought his guitar playing was excellent, the real star of the band in my opinion. The only unfortunate thing was that Treebeard was the last of a three-band line-up and they took the stage at around midnight, which forced me to leave halfway through the show. I was still feeling tired and just couldn't stifle my yawns anymore. But I'm glad I caught part of the show and glad to support a friend. It was nice to spend time with the girls beforehand, too - I had a lot on my mind and it was nice to have their comforting presence around me.

Today was the highlight of my weekend. I woke up with a rather abrupt phone call, which reminded Manon and I that it was Daylight Savings time and that we were running late; we had made plans with Adèle to check out the Sixties in Canada exhibit at the National Gallery of Canada. It was wonderful, just what I needed - a feeling of peace washes over me every time I walk up the ramp towards the centre of the buildind that leads to the exhibit doors. We saw some really neat displays, which I will write about in greater detail this week. I really recommend the show to Ottawa folks. Anyway, afterwards we had a nice brunch at Chez Lucien's, and then a trip to Ikea to check out some beds, mattresses and other furniture for when I move out. I'm getting more and more excited about the little projects I will be working on, like painting my room and moving things around to create a comfy little space. I'm going to be twenty-seven this summer and I'm just starting to feel like I want to have a more established, comfortable place to come home to and call my own. I had considered looking into a scooter again this year but I think I'll have to put it off until next summer. I must concentrate on taking driver's classes and get my license by the end of the season first, plus keep putting money aside for school. But next year, look out. I'll be that girl you see zipping around all over town on her funky little scooter!

The rest of my afternoon was spent napping and trying to restore my somewhat heavy heart and fatigue. I am feeling a bit low these days and quite pensive. It feels like there's an echo travelling through my body as I sit and reflect on past situations and people. I have so much love in my heart, so much that sometimes it's hard to know what to do with it or how to handle it properly. But I know that all I can do is maintain a level of honesty and simplicity with myself and others and allow my heart to be kind, open and compassionate. That is one of the first basic things I ever learned from Buddhist teachings, and I must return to those roots now in order to rediscover the foundation of who Camille really is, or what I strive to be at the core of me. And it is funny, while I think all of these things, while I sit quietly on the edge of my bed with that echo in me, as I try to return to my fundamental beliefs, the face I see is that of my old cat Beebers. I can't begin to understand, except perhaps that he represents my childhood and young adulthood because he was part of them - times when I developed into who I am now - and the fact that I still have a lot of pain to mend and letting go to do regarding past failed relationships, dreams and situations. But with the thought of his soft fur, his silent presence on the end of my bed, his gaze resting on me, I can think of no kinder reminder of all the things I love and the things I fear that I need to look after.

I began sitting again to do some zen meditation this week. I sit on the edge of a pillow, eyes wide open, hands folded together, in silence, facing my bedroom wall. It is difficult, but it has to be. I must stop running through this water for the cloudiness to settle, so that I may see all the way down to my feet.