Sometimes I wonder why I am so aware all the time, always picking up on the slightest shifts in moods around me and within myself. It's not really a burden, nor is it something that is extraordinary, but still it is an innate element inside my brain that never leaves. It mostly makes things more beautiful and meaningful I think, but it's being alone in that awareness or level of consciousness that gets lonely sometimes.

I had a long-distance phone conversation last night with a friend I hadn't chatted with in a while. I didn't think I would have the energy or concentration for it, but eventually the discussion shifted to some pretty existential issues. Although most of the time was spent deconstructing his thoughts to discern some explanations, a few of our potential conclusions and statements have stayed with me throughout the day and have made things feel more transparent. Yet, as always, with every flash of consciousness comes a hefty dose of restlessness, that strange mix of excitement, wonder and loneliness. So when Manon and I spoke on the phone this evening, I jumped on the chance to spend time with her and Mark to balance things out. They came 'round and we took a lovely walk around Strathcona Park at sunset, watching the ducks and birds and being generally quiet. It truly helped to instill a gratifying sense of peace around me and made thoughts a bit more accessible in my head again. As much as I love philosophy and psychology, in the end I'm happiest when I'm sitting a bit closer to water, birds and a sunset - in other words, I need to book some cottage time as soon as possible!

Speaking of which - eek. I have yet to book some time off. What, oh what, is wrong with me?